Look at them now!!

Got a bit sentimental today. Must have been the sound of the gentle rain falling in the early morning hours that lulled my soul into a place of remembering.

While getting ready to fall asleep last night it occurred to me that my life is in transition, again. There have been many transitions, but this one is different. I am about to lose my quiet weekday mornings. Those early morning hours when I used to be able to work myself awake and ease into the day with my daily post and my cup of coffee. The last week was a taste of how my weeks will be changing, early morning activity to get Mia up, help in her preparation for the day's activities, keeping an eye on the time to be sure she stays focused, getting her out the door, ON TIME!! Yea, like that is a realistic scenario. SO, in the seven mornings she has gone to field hockey so far, she was only late twice. Not too bad for this transitional time. ANd that was with two of us monitoring her time!! So as all this has been going on around me I am hit with a few revelations.

I never thought I would be a parent again. I had my son and my daughter, and life was whizzing on by with all that entailed. Twenty two years ago we were getting ready to celebrate my daughter, Paula's 14th birthday. I had her on Labor Day Weekend, 1972 - now that's a long time ago!!! And do you get the significance?!! LOL!! Labor Day Weekend!! - now that was some labor!! But that's another story. So, Paula, going into high school; Mia, going into the same high school, 22 years later. When Paula was going into high school, I had no idea what would be ahead of us. Derek was a Junior, so I hadn't been through the "full high school experience" yet.

Mia recently asked me if I was having deja vu when I was reacting emotionally to seeing her in her field hockey uniform for the first time yesterday. I wasn't, I was just being emotional to be seeing her in an actual high school uniform. She had thought that it was reminding me of Paula in her high school uniforms, but the reality was, it was just another reminder of the way in which time just passes us by while we are in the midst of all that life entails. We have been so caught up in the business of getting her ready for high school, that I was unaware of it actually being here, that time when I would have to face the reality that she is no longer a little girl.

For me, having been through all the passages to date with my older kids, now both over 35, I know what's ahead and how fast it is all going to be passing. I would like to be able to say, "Hey, can't we slow it down time for this one?"

I know what's going to happen, I am going to be missing so many of her special moments, as she goes off on her own, not needing me by her side to walk with her through her new moments. Had a glimpse of it this week at the high school orientation night when she immediately got up and moved her seat as soon as her one of her best gal pals arrived. Just jumped up and left, not, "Do you mind if I move?", or "Mom, is it okay if I go sit with all my friends", or heavens, of course not, "Mom is it okay if I rip your heart out and show you that I don't need you right by my side anymore, as I have my own friends now?"

Don't get me wrong, I am not on the precipice of falling into any kind of depressed state over this new stage of Mia's life. I could never be depressed about it. I so rejoice at this time. Rejoice in the pure knowledge that this child has been able to arrive at this place in her life. This place where she is blossoming into the person who was meant to be, and not weighed down by the worst life had originally offered her, absolutely nothing.

And that I have been allowed this blessing in my life is so mind boggling that I can't even describe it.

I get to do it all over again. And this time it is with the knowledge gained from having been through it before, it is with the wisdom that age and experience have brought to me. Yes, it is as a senior citizen (LOL), but I can handle it.

It is the small things, the first look at your now high school daughter in that team uniform, the look of pride in her eyes at having achieved one of her personal goals, that make a moment so very special and so very emotional.

It is the memories of all the small moments that brought us to where we are today. The past thoughts of how this child would ever overcome early obstacles and be resilient enough to join the mainstream of society, not becoming stuck on the sidelines. It is the knowledge of where her birth siblings are today and the contrast in how their divergent paths evolved.

It is the confidence that comes when you know you have done something so right.

So speaking of right, I have spent about an hour trying to get an early picture of Mia when she was three onto this post, to show then and now. It is a beautiful picture, that I was able to scan successfully, but which this blogger site will not upload. I wanted you to see the hopeful eyes of this three year old, who had nothing to look forward to, who would become a pawn in the system, one who almost got lost in the cracks, as her five older siblings did.

So now you have to imagine the photo, a beautiful little Asian girl with long wavy black hair, tied back in a beautiful bow, long bangs brushing her eyebrows in their crooked line across her brow.(it was impossible to get her bangs straight as she was traumatized while an infant and had a very difficult time letting me trim her hair.) She is standing with her hands in the pockets of her pantdress, which is black with pink flowers and ribbon trim. Having been with us only a few short months, she is getting ready to celebrate her third birthday, unable to wsmile for the photo, as she was in an uncertain life, unwilling to open herself up to any future, let alone be willing to smile for me.

So enough of that, this is the proud, becoming confident teen giving me so many emotional moments, moments I will be able to remember forever in our journey together. Our journey that will no longer be side by side, hand in hand, as she cautiously moves a little bit further away to seek her own path. And it will be in only a few short years, when she will be shifting away from my daily life, into her own, to be embarking on the rest of her life, with me on the sidelines basking in the glow of all that she will become.


Okay, tried downloading a photo of Paula and Mia and it worked!! This was when Mia was about six, when she was first getting to know Paula, before they officially became sisters. Such a striking pair!



SO now I try the other photo again, fingers crossed. Didn't happen, but here is one of sweet Mia before I was blessed with her arrival in my life. There is such love and joy in the thought that we now get to see her confident smile every day. The sadness, despair and uncertainty of this one little babe is no more. And how my life has been enriched in the process!